its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
