Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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