barbara walters just said penis...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
