Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
