Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
