I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
