I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
