I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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