if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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