Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
