You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
