when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
