I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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