help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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