thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
