Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
