yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i think i just lost a toe
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
