His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
