I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
