I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
