He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
