how can u be prego again
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
