Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
