You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
