I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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