It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
