sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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