I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
