His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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