Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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