HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
two words...techno handjob
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
