she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize