If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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