Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
