Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
