OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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