Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
