Ambien. No doubt about it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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