i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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