im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
