why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
