you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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