you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
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i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
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If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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