if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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