: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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