I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
