Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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