Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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