Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
