I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
