First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
