Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
