I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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