You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
im on a boat
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