Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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