Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
